February 10, 2011

Sick of being sick, and reviving my faith....

So today I'm choosing to redirect my thoughts away from the sickness, maybe flushing my thoughts out and shoo-ing away negativity....  WARNING: Raw thoughts ahead...

My life as of late hasn't been roses and butterflies. (no I'm not discounting what others have been going through either but its my blog so I guess it can be about me today)  We are taking things a day at a time.  I sometimes look at others situations and think "what am I doing wrong".  I am a Christian, I'm a believer and I have a pretty strong faith, always have.  Yes I occasionally toss a few back, yes I occasionally swear, yes I occasionally gossip, but I don't think that makes me any less of a believer or that G-d loves me any less.  I always feel that if you are doing what you should be and you are on the right path the good comes abundantly.  However, if you are not heading in the right direction or maybe need a wake up call things can take a turn.  Well I feel that this "turn" hasn't stopped.  My husband and I both lost our jobs around the same time a couple years ago, he got work right away thank goodness, but here I still sit jobless.  I submit about 25 resumes and applications a week and go on about 4 interviews a month.  I've heard alot of "we really liked you BUT" too. Its exhausting.  I'm back to feeling almost worthless.  We have had to sell alot and give up things we love to get by.  I am thankful for a roof over our heads and food in our mouths OH and the Internet for which I therapeutically spew all these thoughts.  I'm tired and sick...  of being sick too....  Is this where G-d wants me?  At my lowest of lows so I can only look up???  I'm thinking so, I opened my bible last night and actually read through it.  It was like my telephone to Him.  I felt like it fed my soul a little, then I prayed.  All this time I've wondered what I'm doing wrong, maybe, just maybe I've come away from my faith?  I needed a swift kick in the pants?  Years ago someone asked my husband what was one of the qualities he loved about me and he said, "I love her FAITH, she has SO MUCH and shares it with everyone".  I want that back!  Its time to throw in the towel and stop trying to control EVERYTHING...  So here goes..... 

Here's to sunshine and roses and butterflies and FAITH in whatever it is you believe in....  =)


PS Thanks, I really needed to get that out, and guess what I think I actually got a few tears in my coffee!

11 comments:

Robyn Lee said...

Awww, I'm glad you could get this off your chest! Because uh hello!?... YES this is YOUR blog and you CAN bitch if you wanna : ) I love the direction you are going back into, I think you may be onto something :) *Hugs*

Kandy said...

No one knows better than you how God is dealing with you... We are all so different and He works with us in different ways...
Keep your head up!! =) I know He will show you where you need to be and sounds like you are ready to follow!
Much love! THanks for stopping by and following my littl blog ;)

Ember said...

Thanks a bunch! It means alot to hear positive thoughts! =)

Hungrigyrl said...

I gave your blog an award! Come check it out: http://hungrigyrl.blogspot.com/2011/02/and-award-goes-tome.html Hope you feel better!

Rachel said...

Sending you a hug friend! I think everyone feels like that at some point, I know I have. It's like I want to shout, "Are you there God? It's me, Rachel!"

I'll be praying for you and your job situation.

Have a blessed day!

:)
Rach

Ember said...

Thanks Rachel =)

Mark said...

I will always pray for you and your family.

Phillipians 1:1-11.

Ember said...

Thanks Mark! =)

We Heart Shops said...

i'm sorry i'm just catching up and it is so hard for me to feel helpless especially when you need a friend and not just a friend to type to, a friend to give you a hug and share these conversations with! I've had so many things happen to me where i step back and say, whoa whoa whoa....break down in tears and just collapse. life is rough! i can totally feel that here and wishing you brighter days! god is def. good. take him back and let him lead you:)

We Heart Shops said...

i'm sorry-i'm on the other account...it's Vic...in case you're confused! xoxo

Ember said...

Aw thanks Vic! I'll take a virtual hug! =)